The last few miles of a wonderful first ride of the year got ruined by a plonker. And now, after some hours thinking about what happened yesterday, I know that we should maybe have acted differently, since now it is too late. And I honestly can’t be arsed since the work from our side will be a lot and with some banging our heads against the wall for little effect towards the plonker. Such is the system today.
Here is a little background on why I did what I did last night. I ride in a zen-like way and don’t let others egg me on, because when I’ve arrived at my destination I really don’t want to spend time calming down again. Because my work and my friends do not want to hear me ranting along about the bad behaviour of some stupid plonker of a driver, pedestrian or cyclist.
So yesterday we had a day out with great friends and a beautiful ride and were on our way over to some good friends for a cup of tea and cake. This great day I was not in mood to be ruined because of some plonker with no road sense. So therefore I rode ‘zen’ and just wanted to get on with it and continue to enjoy this wonderful day.
I have read quite a few stories online about incidents when no one was hurt and the police just said ‘move along’. At the best if the police can find the plonker, they might go around and have a word. And honestly I find that worthless, if the plonker was dumb enough to do what he did, I don’t think ‘a word’ would stop him from doing it again. But to get to that you have to endure the police who are busy with other things. You really have to push the issue. And I really didn’t want to end a good day out in a police station filling in forms, to maybe have just a word spoken to the plonker.
So what happened yesterday, we were on Pope’s Lane coming up to the junction of South Ealing Road heading straight over to Little Ealing Lane. I was in front at the stop line, around 3-4 feet out from the kerb. Wow was behind me, around 4-5 feet away from the kerb, with Peli behind. Behind us was a row of cars and the first in line was Mr. Plonker. The stop line is set back some yards from the junction to let buses turn into Pope’s Lane. We are heading straight into Little Ealing Lane, where there is a narrowing with bollards in the middle of the road for pedestrians and traffic lights.
All three of us were in secondary to primary position of the lane and when it turned green we all set off. Though the plonker tried his best to overtake. But, he then figured out he couldn’t overtake, given the narrowing of the road ahead, and the oncoming traffic who were turning right. So, Mr and Mrs Plonker started to shout at us and pull in towards us, but had me and Wow shouting back and Peli squeezed at the back. He managed to push past, since we cyclists are soft targets and moved away. Mrs Plonker was also so busy shouting out the window while giving us the “reverse victory salute” though her hand got stuck in the window while rolling it up and she couldn’t pull her hand back in.
This of course made me laugh out loud. Since I have thought about it, I know laughing wasn’t a smart move. I should have kept quiet and I’m sure that the plonker would have zoomed along and out of our way. But my burst of laughter caused Mr Plonker to slam on the brakes and jump out of the car. Mr Plonker jumped out, headed towards me (I was still on the bike) with a large amount of aggression and gave me a good shove on the shoulder, which pushed me into the lane of oncoming traffic. Fortunately no cars were coming, and I did not fall off the bicycle. I did not physically retaliate. This is the point when I should have stopped and called the police and reported the assault, but read the above again.
Wow had now come up front of the car to block it from moving, and Peli was behind the car taking photos. Mr Plonker now was busy telling Wow where we should cycle on the road and I went over to tell him that he was wrong. In the car the Mrs Plonker was busy getting her phone out to take photos along with an approximately twelve-year old child we assume was their son. Wow also took out his camera to take photos.
Peli then moved up to front of the car on the inside of the car, and slightly nudged the car’s wheel arch with her pedal. This caused Mrs Plonker to jump out and shriek that Peli had damaged her car. Little Plonker was also out of the car trying to find the camera function on his phone. Mr. Plonker then rushed over to stand in front of Peli, blocking her way, shouting and swearing very aggressively in her face to hand over her license details. I had now parked up my bicycle and moved next to Mr. Plonker and he started to claim the same as Mrs Plonker: that the car was damaged. When Peli had parked her bicycle up she told Mrs and Mr Plonker that she was happy to call the police there and then, and got out her phone. He suddenly changed his tune and said he didn’t want the police involved. When I asked him to show me the damage to his car, he began to claim he could not understand my accent.
Wow, Peli and I were now all off our bicycles, taking photos and talking about calling the police. Mr and Mrs Plonker quickly got into the car and started to drive off at speed, before Little Plonker had got into the car properly which caused the kid to dangle out of the door for a metre or so, before they stopped to let him in.
This is the first time I had someone jumping out of their car and come at me. Plenty of swear words and hand gestures and then drive off, but never physical contact. I do hope this is a one off to never to be repeated.
This was clearly not a good way to end a fantastic day out. Honestly, spending a few hours in the police station in the hope that something came of it was not how I wanted to end the day. The main question is, is it worth it? Would a right plonker like him learn from it? I really doubt it.
I just hope that karma gets to him before he gets to others.
Anyway here is Mr and Miss Plonker in their car, Y509RLK.
January 3, 2010 at 9:22 pm
I would like to have been able to shoot the whole affair from a distance. It must have been something to see with everybody running around trying to shoot pictures of each other.
I’ve been chased down just one time.
I was signaling a left turn from the proper position in the left side of the lane (U.S.). There was considerable space to my right. I was well into my turn when I heard squealing tires behind me when car went into full panic lockdown.
I admit that I yelled an unfortunate description of him when he went by me with horn honking and an upraised finger.
The next thing I know, the guy has turned around and is blasting up next to me, gradually forcing me off the road. Fortunately, we were on a street with grass lawns and not a concrete curb.
He jumped out of the car hollering that I had caused him to stop so quickly that he had spilled his kid onto the floor. I told him that (a) his kid should have been wearing a seatbelt and that (b) I was observing all traffic laws when I turned and (c) he was driving too fast for conditions if he felt he had to slam on his brakes to miss me. (I was well into my turn when he locked down and was in no danger of hitting me, BTW.)
Just before we got to pepper spray city, a female passenger in the car told him to get back inside.
January 3, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Ksteinhoff: I had this last year with a child I was training SillyDriver I. It is not because they are out to get you, quite often it is because they are not looking far enough ahead or know how fast a cyclist can be. I vote for retraining for your driving license every five years, it is wrong that I can get into a car after say 15 years of not driving and it is totally legal.
The Spokersrider : Plonker is taken from a brilliant TV comedy on BBC called Only Fools and Horses.
January 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm
You made me go and look up the word “plonker.” I’ve now learned that it’s an essential part of bicycling vocabulary.
I’m glad the incident ended without major damage. It would have been a shame not to be able to laugh at the funny parts, though.
January 3, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Dear me, what a charming man. How horrible. What an example to set to a child. I know that junction well. I expect everyone in the Paddy Power bookmakers’ shop saw it, too. That certainly was assault. That couple are probably not happily married, that car is probably going to be repossessed soon, along with their house…
With four of you and photographic evidence it would be enough to submit a complaint? Do you think?
January 4, 2010 at 12:58 am
Remember being about 16 yrs old and some nob trying to pass me on a blind ‘hump back’ railway bridge ot in the lanes around Stafford. I moved out to stop him moving in when I could see it was clear to let him past.He stopped a little way up the road and jumped out of his car and grabbed me as I tried to pass. He was a big guy, me a racing fit 9 and 1/2 stone wippet. I thought he was going to plant me one, luckily another car came over the bridge and he let me go pretty sharpish and I made a dash back in the direction I’d come from and into a built up area.
Another time someone pulled out in front of me, and I managed to swerve and stay upright, giving him a mouthful of abusive language as I did so. He stopped in a layby up the road and jumped out of his car. I was ready for an argument, jumped of the bike only to find he’d stopped to apologise.
The only 2 times a car has stopped and a driver come at me in nearly 30 yrs of cycling.
Glad no-one was hurt, Woolly – hope the arse holes get their come-uppance
January 4, 2010 at 7:02 pm
I tend to thing things like this should always be reported, in hopes of sobering the particular drivers up; a splash of cold water on the face to make them aware that assault (with the car or by a person) is serious and that there is a record of the event that might not be too helpful if they happen to be involved in a second episode. All of that being regardless of obscene gestures/language by the cyclist since, under the circumstances, it’s forgivable by reasonable people.